


The Madness Inside

by lssyli0306



Category: Z Nation (TV)
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Other, Sexual Content, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 16:36:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18854887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lssyli0306/pseuds/lssyli0306
Summary: The apocalypse...what bullshit.





	1. Catch Me If You Can

Close.  They're so close. 

I can hear their inhuman grunts and snarls just behind me, so close now that I can feel their rancid breath on the back of my neck

I move down the highway in a dead sprint, desperately wishing for a motorcycle, a car, anything to be on the road so I can take shelter or drive away from this horde of flesh-eaters snapping at my heels.

I would pick a motorcycle that shits out.  Nevermind that now, just MOVE, goddammit.

My legs pick up the pace a little, but my body screams out in protest, muscles burning and feeling as if they'd snap from the tension. 

Oh yeah,  and the fucking stab wound in my gut doesn't exactly help with the whole running thing either.  Blood soaks through my gray tank onto my torn-up shirt.  I take a minute to thank whoever was listening that the adrenaline was numbing even a little of the sharp, radiating pain.  Lungs wheeze and spasm with every gasping breath.  My arms pump harder still, and I gain a little headway from the creepy ass shits reaching for my flesh.

Fucking fresh zombies suck some serious ass, man.

I reach the crest of the hill on the road and see a sparkle ahead, a shine on the road.

A car.

There is a group of people gathered around the car, I can see as I get closer.  Combat boots pound against the ground and I can't even think about how I haven't eaten in days, or seen even a drop water.  I press my hand against the stab wound, trying to staunch the flow of blood from leaking even more onto the leg of my cargo pants.  The pack on my back smacks down with every desperate stride I take. 

The group's heads snap up at me as I run back down the hill toward them and all I can think is how I want these people to move, to get out of the way of the horde and to safety and NOT end up like I'm about to.

Let's just hope they'll give me mercy before they go.

"RUN," I screech as loud as I dare.  The arm not clutching my side waves them forward as I will them to get in the truck and get the hell out of there.  "They're coming fast, GO!"

Eyes widen at my rapidly approaching figure.  I am only about a football field and a half away from them now.  And the Zs? Too fucking close for comfort.  I tear my already destroyed shirt from my body, hardly breaking stride, and press it to my abdomen, soaking up some fresh blood before flinging it behind me, hoping the Zs were as stupid as they were horrifying.

Sure enough, several of them stop to grapple over my bloody shirt, all trying to bring it to their already bloody mouths to taste.  It gives me a couple minutes to get out of there.

At last, I reach the group.

"What's goin' on, kid"?, asks a startled man with white hair and a beard that, any other time, I would think was kick-ass.  But right now, I just wanted to kick all their asses for not listening.

"Y'all gotta go.  There's a horde of Zs coming, and they're fast."

Who I assume is the leader of the group steps forward, looking on in horror as the pack at the crest of the hill runs, snarling, right at all of you.

"I guess they finally figured out that shirt was just soaked with blood, and not actually Manwich", I huff.  My heart is thumping unevenly now against my ribs.

I'm dying.  I've lost too much blood.

Everyone in the group starts to hurriedly pack their gear up in the truck, jumping in and dragging me into the bed before taking off.  I lean up against the back window and look around at the people I owe my life to.

In front of me kneeling by the tailgate, a tall boy with dark hair around my age lifts his rifle to his eye and fires, taking out two of the zombie assholes at once.

I smile at him, mouth pulling up to one side, and mutter, "you're a hell of a shot, huh?".

Pink colors his tan cheeks and he grins back at me.

My vision starts to become spotted and I drop to my left side, grasping again at my newly acquired fucking belly button on the right.

The bearded badass's hands are grabbing me, trying to keep me awake and I so want to listen to him but the darkness overtaking me is so warm and gentle that I struggle.

Do not go gentle into that good night.  Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Some part of me awakens at that thought and I manage to keep barely conscious.  I listen to them all call to each other, communicating about me.  Doc, that was the name of Beardy Badass.  The boy was 10k.  I crack my eyes open and blink through the black spots, searching for something, anything, to hold on to.  To keep me here.

My eyes lock onto two blue ones.  I stare up at a startled-looking 10k, shallow breaths gasping out of my mouth, as Doc calls out about there still being a large slab of knife blade in my gut. Doc apologizes about not having time for painkillers as he digs around for the blade before it works its way into any important organs.  I yell out and strain so hard to keep the rest of my screams of torment inside that I can feel tiny blood vessels burst in my eyes.  My hands clutch at the rough material of the truck's bed and find someone's long, calloused fingers.  They clutch back.

"FUCKING SON OF A WHORE", I holler out, and 10k's eyes go so wide it would be funny if I weren't fucking dying.

"Sorry kid.  It's out now.  Just stay awake.  I'm getting you stitched up", Doc says, smoothing my sweaty black hair back.  My eyes sag and I'm feeling cold now, and I hear him order 10k to keep me awake but it sounds wrong, too far away, and I can feel myself slipping and I start to panic, but then....

I feel 10k's warm hands on my face, patting it lightly, stroking my cheeks, and his soft voice breaks through the haze and darkness and reaches me.  I manage to open and find his eyes with my own light green ones, and hold fast onto his gaze as we rocket down the highway toward safety, Doc stitching me up.


	2. Numbers

A week goes by as I slowly dedicate myself to the mission: get Murphy to California. Save the human race. I grow to care for the people that saved my ass, though many agree I saved theirs by getting to them before the Zs did. The person I grow closest to is 10k, though. We slowly get to know each other, being paired up for basically everything, like first watch, supply runs, and even clearing out shelters.

Now, I sit by the fire, watching it crackle and flare. My hand absentmindedly traces along the small black lines in the shape of tally marks on my left forearm. I look down at them. Seven crooked lines flicker in the light of the campfire.

Leaves crunch behind me and I grasp my knife, spinning around and readying myself to pike a walker. But it's just 10k's face that the light from the fire dances off of, reflecting in his clear, blue eyes. I smirk on relief and turn back, scooting over on the ground and patting the space beside me.

"Hey", he shuffles up before folding himself beside me. I notice him glance down at where my fingers are tracing before looking back at my face, brows furrowed.

"Its not polite to stare, ya know," I say, poking him in the ribs. He blushes and shifts awkwardly.

"What is that, a tattoo? Weren't you too young to get one when this all started?"

"Well duh, I was 15, like you. I did these myself. Inkpen and a pocketknife."

He looked at me, eyes wide and mouth turned down. "What are they supposed to mean?"

"What is 10k supposed to mean?", I mimicked, crossing my eyes at him and sticking my tongue out. He had already told me on the second day I spent with the group after I finally asked what his nickname meant. "It's...um...well, it's kind of how many humans I've killed. Not like humans-turned-Z, but actual people." I turn my eyes away from his gaze, feeling like a monster. "I'm actually missing one", I mutter.

"Missing one?"

"Yeah...I'm actually surprised none of you have asked yet...you know, how I got to you with the brand new belly button?" I laugh harshly, "the guy that gave me that is actually the eighth mark. The missing mark. He found me outside, trying to fix my bike. Saw the horde coming and stabbed me to keep the Zs away from him. I shot him. In the head, of course, I'm not that much of a fucking monster." I stare straight ahead into the woods, trying to feel absolutely nothing at all for the strange man. "Been meaning to add him to my list", I hold my arm up to 10k.

He is silent for a moment, his expression unreadable. His slender fingers reach out and smooth over the small lines. 

"You know, Tally, I think that may be the most I've ever heard you say", 10k smiles. I return his smile, grateful he doesn't think I'm a monster too. I can't explain, but there's just something about 10k that sets a hungry Z off in my chest. I can actually feel a blush creep up the back of my neck, and I smooth my hand over it, trying to cover.

God, I want him to like me so bad. I may have been young when the apocalypse started, but I know what the tingle his fingers left on my arm meant. I know I care about this boy already, and it's only been a fucking week. His gentle voice and stupid, cute face just wound their way into my heart. Damn him.

So dangerous to feel this way. You can't, Tally. Stop.

Shut up, Tally. It's not like I can fucking help it.

"Oh haha. It's not like you're a man of many words either, Mr, Sniper guy." Sadness creeps up on me as I gaze at his face. "You know, Tally isn't actually my real name. I gave it to myself...my real name is Clara. But tell anyone and I'll kick your ass", I grumble pointing at him.

He swats at my hand, grinning. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. Clara." He grasps my hand in his own. A fire erupts in my chest and I have to look down to make sure the campfire didn't escape and start to burn my shirt.

Nope. Just your frozen heart thawing out. And her heart grew three fucking sizes that day. You disgust me.

"My name's Tommy", he whispers to me so quietly I wasn't sure he spoke at all. "But let's just keep that a secret too, okay?"

"Sure thing...Tommy". I nudge his leg with my boot.

"So why Tally?"

"Tally marks," I hold up my arm again.

He looks sad for a moment, licking his lips in that stupidly attractive way he does.  My hand raises in spite of my internal protests, reaching to smooth the lines that appear in his forehead.  I can feel his eyes piercing into me, and he leans into my fingers just as they reach his skin.

Shuffling from the treeline gives away the approach of a few walkers.  

Damn twat-blocks.

10k lifts his slingshot and takes one out, and I get a couple knives into the other two. Throwing knives used to be a little hobby of mine before the world went to shit. I don't miss, just like him with his rifle and slingshot.  10k knew that, of course. You learn a surprising amount about someone when you're always paired up.

"4056," 10k mutters to himself, his lips pulling up just slightly. 

God bless those beautiful humans for playing matchmaker and putting us together.

"Very nice", he nods approvingly at my aim. We jog over to retrieve my knives. No use in wasting them by leaving them there.

I allow myself to sneak a short glance at 10k as he bends down to to retrieve the last knife. 

Oh, that jawline. Just kill me now.

Finally, we trade off with Warren and Vasquez so they can take second watch. I am exhausted and 10k and I make ourselves comfy in the bed of the truck.

"Hot damn", I murmur as his shirt rides up slightly when he lays down, exposing a small and dark trail of hair that disappears under his pant's waistline.

"Huh?"

"Oh, nothing. Just tired." He nods, putting an arm behind his head and closing his eyes.

Phew.


	3. Catch Me If You Can

We walk down the roads through what used to be New Orleans, trying to scavenge some supplies and food.  We ran low a couple days ago, and now we are pretty much almost out of both food and water.  Murphy and I trail in the middle of the group.  None of us say very much...exhaustion and dehydration really take a toll on the human body. I glance back at 10k, noticing how he glares at Murphy.  I know they dislike each other, and that Murphy is a real ass sometimes.

But I can't be the only one who sees that he really cares for these people, even in his own little way...right?

I nudge Murphy, "Hey."

"Alright, what do you want", he scowls at me.

"What makes you think I want anything? I actually-uh-well, I wanted to ask how you're holding up.  It must be really scary for you....all of this," I gesture to our surroundings, hoping he understands that I mean our whole situation.

"Why do you care? You don't even know me, hell, you barely know any of us", he snipped.  "Don't even know why we keep bringing you along", he mutters more to himself than to me, but I still manage to catch it.  

Ye-ouch, that stung a little.

I try to shrug it off.

I fling a throwing knife to the side, seeing a Z out of the corner of my eye before even hearing it, and it sinks through its eye socket and into its brain.  It drops instantly and I jog quickly to retrieve my blade.  Wiping the knife off on my pant leg, I glance at him and raise my brow.

"That's why.  Other than my charming personality and the fact that I'm super fucking hot, of course", I wink at him and he snorts, rolling his eyes.  "Now, wanna tell me how you're doing?"

"Well, how would you feel if you were injected with a random vaccine after being strapped down to a table, left to a bunch of zombies that tore into your flesh, and expected to be able to be stuck 80000 times, have your blood drained out of you, and save humanity?"

Heh, good point, zom-bro.

"Yeah, I thought you might feel that way", I smirked at him, taking in his blue skin.  Maybe just a little kindness would make a difference.  I reached out and touched his arm, patting it and giving him a kind smile.  "I'm sorry, you know.  I know you didn't ask for any of this.  You may be an asshole sometimes, but you certainly don't deserve this.  It must be so scary for you.  I'm here if you need me."   Before he could answer, I slow down to walk beside 10k.

I smile warmly at him and grab his hand, squeezing it and then letting it go.  His face becomes splotchy with a bright red.  So innocent, to be left so awkward by even a friendly gesture as that.

I bump 10k's shoulder with my own.  "Why so red, hot stuff?"  If possible, his race turns an even brighter shade of scarlet.  "I do it to Addy too.  What can I say, I'm very...physical".  I wink at him.  At her name, Addy turns and grins at me, moving to my side.  I wrap my free arm around her waist and wiggle my eyebrows at 10k.  I love teasing him.  He is just so cute that it sent my heart into palpitations. 

I wish that I never had to let go of his hand...but I have no idea if he even likes me in the same sense, and I don't want to ruin what friendship we had developed in this short amount of time.

"Well, we all know which team Tally plays for", Vasquez mutters under his breath, making sure it reaches the rest of the group.  I roll my eyes.

"Oh, don't be silly.  I'm bisexual."  I stick my tongue out at him.

There is a pregnant pause.

"Huh.  Well that's new news".

"Looks like Addy has company".

10k widens his eyes and looks at us together.

"Don't worry," I say, winking at him.  "I may be attracted to girls too, but I prefer to get with guys".

"Good to know," he murmurs.  Immediately, my heart skips around.  

What was that supposed to mean? Does he like me?

My thoughts are interrupted by our buddy Citizen Z on the radio Warren carried.

"Bad news, Operation Bitemark, looks like there's another zunami headed your way.  Better get to a safe place fast.  I'd say you have about three hours before it reaches you."

"Aw, damn", I shout, throwing my arms up from Addy's waist.  "Fucking again?  Really?  Really?"


	4. New Orleans Pt. 2

"Alright, well it seems like we still have a little time before that zunami gets to us, so we'll split up and look for supplies. Addy's with Doc, Murphy will go with me and Vasquez, and Tally and 10k will go together. Search stores and houses and we'll meet back here", Warren orders.

"Aye-aye, cap'n", I drawl. Murphy snorts and I wink at him. 10k and I start toward some of the houses in a small neighborhood off the main street, searching for anything we can find.

As we meander down the side streets, I sing quietly to myself. It's a tendency that seemed to carry over from pre-Z. I did it when I was nervous. The combination of being alone with 10k is enough to make my palms sweat and my mouth feel stuffed with cotton...add jump-scares from Zs into that mix, and you get a very nervous Tally.

"Little black submarines, operator please, patch me back to my mind...", I sing quietly to myself.

We go up the stairs onto a small, cramped porch. He opens the door cautiously for me, and take a deep breath before I step around it into the eerie house.

"Oh , can it be, the voices calling me, they get lost and out of time", I sing as loud as I dare, trying to draw any Zs out.

Two loud snarls echo through the foyer and the zombies they came from lurch from the living room at us. We each grab one and pike them.

"4106", 10k murmurs, looking to me.

I shrug. "Guess they didn't like my voice".

He lets out a soft, short laugh at that. "Well, I think you sound amazing".

Ugh, so cute and sweet and I just want him to kiss me so bad...

I smile and our bodies unconsciously inch toward each other, as if they are magnetic. Becoming too aware of this, I take a step back.

Whew, that was close. Too close. Don't go fucking this up, Tally. He probably doesn't even like you like that. He just doesn't have many other choices in females.  Just focus.

I send him a soft smile. "We should hurry up and get those supplies before we get overrun", I manage to get out. He nods, looking...disappointed?

We manage to scrape up a couple gallons of water stored in old bleach containers.

"Smart", nods 10k as he hoists one into his pack.  Too bad the kitchen was completely empty otherwise.  Someone tried to leave in a hurry, for certain. 

Too bad they didn't seem to get very far.

"I'm gonna look for some clothes up in the bedrooms. We are starting to look pretty ratty, even for us."

"I'll go with you". He throws the pack on his back and we quickly ascend the stairs, weapons ready in case we missed a particularly sneaky Z.

We both huff a sigh of relief when we encounter no other zombies.

"Let's check out that master bedroom, see if we can find any clothes that fit", he whispered.  It's hard to break the habit of whispering to keep under the radar of anyone listening, like Zs.

I nod and we walk to the bedroom, immediately going through drawers and the closet for anything practical.  We hit a huge jackpot.  The men's clothes seem to fit 10k pretty well, and we find some old fatigue pants in a couple different sizes.

"They must have both been military", I say.  A small sadness washes over me at the thought of so many lives, just snuffed out.  Lost.  Gone.  I shake my head to clear the thoughts.  We quickly change in separate rooms and meet back in the bedroom to stuff another few clothing articles in our bags.  We can ditch the clothes later if we run out of room for supplies.  We both dress in the fatigue pants and stuff them into our boots.  I dress in a tank top that fits close to the skin so I don't get grabbed as easily, and we start to head out the door.

Not paying attention is a huge mistake in the zombie apocalypse.  I know that, and so does everyone else.  So when I bumble out the front door and straight into a cool, rotting body, it's entirely my fault.

10k rips the Z from me, piking in the head.

Yet another reason to thank God every day for 10k.

I take in gasping breaths, stunned by almost being zombie food.  10k checks me for bites, hands smoothing over my arms and neck to ensure I am okay.  Surprising us both, I grab his face and plant a big kiss right on his cheek.

Oooh fuck.  What did you just do, you absolute DUMBASS?! You've gone and screwed up everything!

"I-I'm sorry...just, thank you so much for saving me.  What a dumbass mistake to make, just waltzing out the door like that...", I stammer out as I try to fix this whole awkward mess of a situation.  The look on his bright red face worries me, so when he breaks into a grin, my heart finally starts beating again.

"No, it's...it's okay.  We watch out for each other.  It's what we all do", he says, hesitantly taking my hand in his own.

This time, it's not either of us that stops the moment.  It's a huge wall of zombies coming right for us.  We run around the back of the house, looking for some sort of shelter.  My foot catches something raised in the backyard, and 10k is just turning back to help me up when I realize that my clumsy ass just tripped over a cellar door.

We both throw the doors open and hop down inside.  He shuts the doors again and slides a metal pipe through the inside handles.

"Shit.  The group's gonna be so worried.  Shit", I fret, pacing our small space before realizing that we are surrounded by a small amount of supplies.  

Cans, more bleach containers, and jars of food sit on shelves around us and I nearly burst into tears.

Fucking jackpot.

I do a small celebration dance while 10k looks on at me in amusement.  He's much more observant than I am, and noticed the supplies as soon as we hopped down.

"What now?", I ask, watching as he  sits against a bare wall and makes himself comfortable.

"We wait it out.  The group's probably hiding somewhere too".

\------------------------

The first 10 minutes of silence in the cellar aside from the occasional scuffle or grunt of a zombie is unbearable to me because I become so anxious.  My chest tightens up and I feel as if I can't get enough air in my lungs.  I feel trapped and horrified at the thought of the zombies busting down the doors and eating us alive.  So helpless.

10k notices my shallow, strained breaths and scoots over to sit by me.  He hesitantly grabs my hand and squeezes it, then moves close to murmur comforting words to me.  Slowly, my chest untightens and I can breathe again.  

I look up to his face to thank him, grateful that he helped me through the panic, to find his eyes on me.  His face is just inches from mine, and the proximity has my pulse hammering.  I've noticed him watching me a lot when we are with the group, and I always get so self-conscious because I'm worried he's thinking about how strange I am or how bad I look with my curls frizzed and sticking up at all angles from my braid.

But...the way he is looking at me now sets a fire loose deep in my chest.  He starts to lean in closer and my eyes widen as his hand comes up to touch the back of my neck.  Suddenly, our lips are pressed together.  A whole horde of rabid Zs are set free in my chest, and my hands come up to grasp his collar, my body finally breaking from the shocked state and responding to him.  

His lips are soft and the kiss is everything a first kiss should be.  His breath is sweet as it mixes with my own. We both pant as the gentle kiss turns hungry, desperate.  10k tightens his grip on me and his hands slide down my shoulders to my lower back, pulling me flush against his body. Tongues explore mouths and teeth knock together slightly. A noise I've never heard come from myself escapes my throat, like a noise a wild animal would make, and he responds with his own deep groan.  The kiss slows after a while and we pull back to look at each other, still panting and both very red.

A smile lights up his face in a way I've never seen on him, and I can't help but respond with my own.

"I've wanted to do that forever", he mutters, "but I was always afraid to mess up us being friends".

"Me too", I chuckle.  His face turns slightly more serious.

"That was a-actually my first...", he trails off. 

His first kiss? Him? But he's so perfect and cute and who wouldn't want to kiss him??

"Well", I grin, "I guess we will just have to do that some more to practice".  I wink at him and he laughs, bringing my lips back to his own.


	5. Screwed

After a couple hours, enough of the horde passes that 10k and I decide to meet back at the rendezvous point.  We pick off the occasional Z as we make our way back.  10k is, impressively,  up to 4130 in his count by the time we are halfway there.  I can't help but watch as his face transforms after every kill.  A little smirk turns the very corners of his lips up as he racks his bolt on his gun and mumbles each number.

And don't even get me started on his jawline.

Every once in a while, he would stop our forward movement to pull me close and kiss me quickly.  By the time we reach the truck and see the group gathered around a map to the side of it, I am nearly buzzing with happiness.

We are happy that neither of us sees the two Zs attack us from behind.   One nearly tackles me and I struggle with it for a moment before dispatching it swiftly with a knife.  10k struggles with the other, it wrestling with him and snapping it's decaying teeth just inches from his face.

Terror fills me and I grab it, readying my knife to stab this one as well, but do not anticipate the rapid turn it executes.  It works around and gets me to the ground, surprising me so much that I am unable to stop it from sinking it's teeth into my shoulder.  I cry out and use all my strength to shove it away, my blood-slicked hands digging into its chest, and 10k shoots it in the head.  Black, coagulated blood spatters my face and we look at each other in horror as he grips my hand and pulls me up.

His eyes flash to my shoulder and back to mine.  There is no mistaking the desperate glimmer in his eyes as he confirms that, yes, I did get bitten.

The group is sprinting to us now and they shout back and forth with 10k about my current....unfortunate status.

"10k", I whimper.  Tears fill my eyes.  I know what a bite from a zombie means.  I need mercy, and soon, before I start to turn.  My shoulder burns and bright red blood courses down my arm.  He looks at me, grabbing my face with rough hands.

"You're going to be okay.  We can fix this", he nearly shouts, hands shaking.

Another pair of hands rips me away from 10k and another set of teeth tear into my shoulder, nearly overlapping the other bite.  The teeth release after a short beat, and I twist to face my new attacker.

"Murphy? What the fuck?!", I holler.  I look to 10k, fresh tears filling my eyes.  Pure anger and hatred flashes across his face, and he advances on Murphy.  Warren and Vasquez grip his upper arms and hold him back as he yells.

"No! Tally! Murphy, why? You know what happened with Cassandra.  What have you done?"

I sink to my knees, cradling my throbbing arm to my chest.  I know what happened to Cassandra too. 

A fate worse than death.

There is talk about mercy and what to do as they all frantically murmur back and forth.  10k is still being held back from killing Murphy.  Murphy, however, is watching me carefully, evenly.

Blood thrums in my ears and pulses in my fingertips, and I barely hear myself croak out, "Why, Murphy? Why? I was kind to you.  I was your friend."

The whole group is silent now, gauging both of our reactions.  Murphy doesn't respond at first.  He looks...sad.

"I had no choice.  You would have turned.  I gave you an opportunity to live", he nearly spits back.

"LIVE?", I shriek.  "What, as your slave? As your minion?! Oh yeah, thanks a ton.  Now I get to really live".

"I wouldn't make you my slave...I almost consider you...a friend", he counters.  "I won't make you my slave.  You have my word.  I just didn't want to see you turn and die".  

Tears threaten to make their appearance again, and I swallow them down.  At last, someone else speaks.

"Alright, look, we can all agree that Murphy is an asshole...but he does have a point.  Tally would be a Z by now without him biting her.  Maybe...maybe she won't be like Cassandra", Addy says in a calm, clear voice.  My heart starts to slow down as calm creeps back to me.

Maybe she's right.  Maybe I won't be like Cassandra...but what if I am?  I'd rather fucking die.

"But how do we know? Cassandra...what happened to her was just...", 10k speaks up.

"We don't know.  But isn't it worth trying?  Cassandra was pretty close to dying already.  Tally was, and is, still alive.  She still seems like herself, doesn't she?", Warren says, studying me closely.  I love Warren.  Her leadership skills have rarely done any of us wrong so far.  I decide to trust her judgement...for now.

"If...if I start to act like Cassandra.  Or even not myself.  You all have to do me a favor.  You have to shoot me in the head.  Got it?"

10k is let go and he runs right over to me, scooping me up in his arms and holding me close.  "I'm sorry", he whispers.  "I'm so, so sorry.  I won't let you end up like Cassandra.  I won't".

A war rages inside me.

To hate Murphy for doing this to me, or not?  Maybe he was just trying to help me and not trying to hurt me and 10k.  Maybe he doesn't want me as a slave.  One thing is for sure, though: I'll fight like hell if he tries to order me around.  I won't go down without a fight.


	6. Tension

Over the course of the next couple of days, my nerves are stretched tight. Murphy, of course, is the main reason. Not to mention how everyone in the group keeps looking at me as if I'm about to lose myself and start acting like Murphy's pet. The only exception is 10k, who isn't on his guard, but is most definitely coping in his own way. If looks could kill, Murphy would be six feet under by now. He also seems more distant than usual from me...I am somehow magically being paired up with other people for watches and raids, now.

He probably told them to separate us. I thought he cared? What happened to the kiss we had? I couldn't have been the only one that felt the connection...is it because he sees me as a monster now?

I have no idea what his deal is, but it is ripping my insides apart. What doesn't help is, of course, Murphy's part in my nerves fraying. He has kept true to his word about making me his little puppet, of course. Mostly.

We stop off the main route for some R&R, at least for the night. 10k immediately jumps out of the truck to set up a fire, and the rest of us slowly get out of the truck to help. Well, everyone else does. They still want me to relax and heal my shoulder a little more before doing anything, so I sit with Murphy on the tailgate.

The camp is set up swiftly and I hop down from the truck to grab my stuff, thinking about heading to the little stream we passed about five minutes ago to wash up. I briefly lift my nearly-empty canteen to my lips when I feel a slight...pull toward the truck.

I glance toward Murphy. "What are you staring at?" He is slightly squinting at me in concentration. I feel another tug, this time an urge to give him the canteen. My eyes narrow.

"Murphy, you ass, I can feel you in my head. You have your own water. Piss off mine, stop being so lazy, and get your own".

The urge intensifies tenfold into a full-blown need, and my brow starts to sweat from the effort of resisting. My hand shakes and starts to move toward him, handing him my canteen. I fight for control over my body, losing more and more ground with every passing second. With one last-ditch effort at keeping my free will, I yank the water back to my face and drain the rest of the contents, upending it like a frat boy would a cheap beer.

"Eat my ass", I grumble to him after I finish, my left eye twitching ceaselessly. I toss the container into my pack and throw it over my shoulder.

There are a few grumbles from the group and I turn to see them all staring at me, even 10k. They must have seen the little stand-off between me and Murphy.

"I'm not his puppet. Satisfied yet? Can y'all stop staring at me now?", I crab at them, throwing my arms up in frustration.

"Well, at least we know it's still Tally", Vasquez huffs out.

Addy just smiles and throws an arm around my shoulders.  Warren tries to cover up a small smile.  10k just looks more conflicted than I've ever seen him.

\----------------------

After about 10 minutes, it is decided that 10k will go with me to the stream. The rest of the group will take turns after we take watch for each other. He seems hesitant at first, almost unwilling to go with me, and I feel my eye starting to twitch again.

I stomp off ahead of him. I can still hear him behind me and I know that no Zs will touch him while I have anything to say about it.  I have nothing to worry about but his safety, now.

I'm about half-dead, anyway. Fuck it.

I reach the edge of the stream and kick my boots off. I pull my shirt over my head and drop it to the small rocks that surround the stream's bed and prick the bottoms of my bare feet. I hear a gasp behind me and slightly turn to see 10k's blushing face snap away from me. His eyes are even wide from the side of his face, and there is no mistaking the awkward little smirk on his face as he purses his lips. 

Unbothered by him seeing me, I slide my fatigue pants off and wade into the freezing stream. Modesty went out the window when the world ended, at least for me. I still feel heat creep up my neck in spite of the cold water at the idea of him seeing me naked. It isn't embarrassment I feel at the idea....it's more of a pleasure. It's not like my body is bad or anything. I mean, my breasts aren't exactly huge, but I still have curves in spite of constant malnutrition.

I go to work scrubbing every inch of my body clean with the cheap shampoo/conditioner/body wash combo the group found in a gas station. It isn't exactly classy, but it works and my body nearly hums with pleasure at getting clean.  The water is a shock to my system, but I grit my teeth and force myself to get over it.  I take extra care with my shoulder, ensuring I get it sanitized and wash all the....Murphy saliva....out of it. It's definitely healing more quickly than I expected. It is already scabbed up, showing both sets of teeth perfectly etched into my skin forever.

I dip my dark hair back into the water, rinsing the soap out of it, and let my body go under the clear water completely. I sit there on the bottom of the stream for a moment, enjoying the peace of the silent world under the water, and how the gentle current moves my hair around my face. Finally, I come back up, letting my curls fall around my shoulders and over my breasts, covering them.

Forget zombie blend. I'm a fucking mermaid, bitches.

The thought makes me smile. I look up to 10k's stiff form. His shoulders are rigid and I think I can still make out a slight blush on his cheeks and the back of his neck. I wade back to him and my backpack and step out of the water.

"10k".

He stiffens a little more before relaxing again. His head turns just barely to the side to acknowledge me.

"Before all of this...did you ever, ya know, see a girl naked?"

I know that the group always jokes about him being a virgin and all, but you never know. I was a virgin too, but I let a couple people see me naked before. I was only 15 then, but I'm 18 now, and it's been a while, dammit.

His eyes widen and he shifts from foot to foot awkwardly. "Ah, erm, no?"

"10k, look at me. It's okay", I mutter. I reach my hand out and lightly grasp his shoulder, turning him to face my naked form. His eyes immediately shift to the sky, down to the ground, to the side, and pretty much anywhere I'm not.  He licks his lips, which is a habit of his that shouldn't affect me as much as it does.

I touch his hot cheek. "Hey, it's okay. It's just me". His eyes finally move to me, looking me in the eyes before flashing down and taking in my form, lingering on my hips and breasts.

I slide his rifle back around his back and step toward him, bringing his body closer to mine. I take one of his hands and place it on my bare hip, letting his fingers skim my cool skin. I don't think his face can get any redder, but it definitely does as I guide his other hand up my torso and toward my chest, letting it go as it reaches my ribs.

He hesitates, hand trembling slightly, before inching it up toward my bare chest and finally cupping my small breast in his calloused hand. My eyes flutter closed at the sensation and goosebumps erupt across my skin. I reopen my eyes and grab the back of his neck before pulling him down to my lips.

A low grunt comes from the back of his throat as my fingers lace into the hair peeking out from the bottom of his red bandana, and one hand glides to my back, exploring up and down my naked flesh, the other hand lightly squeezing my chest. We both pant in between kisses, but don't break away. One of my hands drifts down his chest, where I can feel the quick, hard rhythm of his heart, to his belt buckle, and then slips down into the front of his pants. My fingers brush something hot and smooth and hard and he jumps lightly, bringing my small form closer to his lean body and groaning softly-

The crack of a branch alerts us both to someone's presence, and I reach around 10k's waist to the back of his pants, gripping the pistol lodged there. He raises his rifle and I snap around with the pistol in my hands, searching for the intruder. My heart is still pounding from the sexual tension, and now this new adrenaline has it hammering against my ribcage.

Three men step around a tree, grasping weapons of their own and grinning. They all take in my form, and their grins grow even wider. I feel slimy all of a sudden, like I need another bath, and it's not at all how I felt when 10k was looking at me.  All my internal alarms are blaring...these men don't feel right.  There's something definitely wrong about them, twisted.

The men's eyes widen when they see the bitemarks on my shoulder, 10k steps in front of me, shielding me with his own body. 

He must have seen their looks too.

"Well, what have we here? Those look like bite marks, and you're definitely not a Z.  Your little boyfriend getting a little rough? Or are you something else?", the man in the front of the trio drawls. He is scrawny, bony, and half his teeth are missing. The other half are rotting. I make him out as the leader.

Gross.

I move to grab my clean tee, gun still pointed at the men.

"Ah ah ah", Scrawny nearly hollers. I start and straighten back up, leaving the shirt where it is. "Now don't go doing that. We wanna play too". Scrawny's minions chuckle cruelly and my face heats up. They start to advance on us and 10k racks the bolt of his rifle, stopping them.

"Fuck you", I spit, "go the fuck back to whatever circle of Hell you crawled out of".

"Aw, honey, don't be like that. Why don't you step around and come with us. I can show you what a real man is like".

"Okay, first off, gag", I make a retching sound that causes the men to scowl. "I'm just fine here, thanks".

The man barks out a laugh. "We weren't asking, honey. There aren't many bitches around these days, and we aren't going to pass this opportunity up.  Plus, you might be worth something with those bites.". 10k tenses up even more than he was and a low growl comes from his gritted teeth.

The men advance again and 10k pulls the trigger, hitting the man to the right of the leader between his eyes and dropping him. Before the others could react with their own shots, I step around 10k and shoot the leader in the neck. He grabs his neck and falls to his knees, drowning in his own blood. 10k picks off the last one while I shoot the leader again, in the head this time.

Once we are sure they are all dead, 10k wraps me in his arms, which presses my face deep into his shirt. I inhale his scent--woods and leaves and something sweet. I didn't realize before during the standoff, but I'm trembling like crazy, my knees nearly knocking together. After some of my shaking subsides, 10k tosses my clothes at me and then hurriedly bathes (after me ordering him to clean up) while I crouch stiffly by our supplies. 

I'm such a monster.  Another mark to add to my collection.  Why couldn't they have just left us alone?

I am watching so acutely for any signs of another intruder that I nearly take out 10k when he approaches me, fully clothed.

"Whoa, it's just me", he raises his hands slightly in a surrender. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and roll my eyes.

He reaches out and runs his thumb over my shirt where my shoulder marks are, his face growing sad. "I'm so sorry this happened to you, Tally. I should have protected you..."

"Is that why you've been avoiding me? You think this is your fault?", I gesture to my wounds. "Well, it's not. I would die protecting you. That's on me. That's my decision. You would do the same, and I know it, so don't feel guilty. I'm still alive for now, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you distancing yourself from me".

"Okay. I'm sorry...I just-after what happened to Cassandra...I just hate the idea of having to mercy you too", he says. He looks away from me, and I step forward, grabbing his face in both my hands.

"I'm not Cassandra...so can I have my watch buddy back? Can we move forward and past this?", I nod toward my bites.

"I know", he nods, "And okay.  I'll try.  I promise". He gazes at my face for a long time before pulling me in for a light kiss. "Come on, we have to get back to the group".

He catches me looking back toward where the bodies of the men are and grabs my hand, squeezing it.

"Its not your fault, Tally..."

"I guess.  But three more humans are dead...I killed another human.  When will it end?"

He grabs my arm and pulls me close to him again, and in spite of everything, I finally feel safe for the first time in years.


	7. The Change

The days pass without incident. Murphy seems to let me be, though I do exchange kind words with him every once in a while. Being "his" blend has created a strange little relationship between us. 10k and I, though, are closer now than we have been, after sharing that intimate moment down by the water. 

If only he'd just talk to me about it.

Not talking about it has me on edge again. I am stressed out and just wish I could establish a relationship. We even sneak away to exchange the occasional kiss. The rest of the group doesn't know about any of the moments we have shared. We did end up telling them about the creepy men we encountered, but left out the whole naked/touching/make-out thing. Nobody is ready to hear that just yet...

10k looks down at me from where he stands in the bed of the truck and we exchange a warm smile. Our relationship seems to be more of an unspoken bond. The few words we share over crickets sizzling in the flames of the campfire, pulling briars out of bruised legs, and after a particularly badass Z kill hold enough meaning that we don't need the extra words.

What he doesn't know is how much I have grown to love him. 

I know that I would most definitely die and kill for this boy. I already help protect the group from unmanageable groups of Zs using my blend-nature...but I always go the extra mile for 10k.  I wonder constantly if he feels as strongly as I do.

My train of thought is ripped off track when a gunshot rings out and destroys the truck's tire. The truck jars and we bump to a halt as a group of five people with bandannas tied over their mouths rapidly approach us, aiming high-powered rifles, pistols, and a shotgun at us.

"Nice stop, Warren." I pat the roof of the truck. I see her glance up at me in both amusement and warning in the rearview mirror.

"Hands up high, where we can see them. Don't even think about reaching for that weapon," one of the strangers growls.

10k's rifle is pointed out, and I can tell how uncomfortable he is. He didn't even have a chance to hop out and get to higher ground.

"Put the weapon down, kid," another man spits out.

10k glances at me, then down to the truck where the rest of the group sits stiffly.

"10k, do what he says," Warren's voice comes from the cab. He lowers the rifle reluctantly and gives me a helpless look. I will him to read my mind, locking eyes with him.

I won't let anything happen to any of you. Especially you, 10k. 

He doesn't hear me, of course. The men pull us all from the truck and take our weapons, frisking all of us for knives and hidden items. I silently thank anybody that may be listening that my ripped tee covers my bitten and scabbed shoulder. I can't help but snort when they pull a long chain from the waistband of 10k's pants and he shoots me a shut up look.

"Dude, I'm sorry, I just can't stop picturing you trying to garrote a zombie or a human or some shit with that thing," I cackle, slapping my knee. I take a deep breath and try to sober myself as the corners of his lips pull up in chagrin and amusement. He always says that my laughter is contagious...probably because I sound like a pig mating with a goose, but I digress.

"Now, you wouldn't happen to be The Murphy, would you? We've been looking for you. Stopped everyone that's been traveling this road for the past three days to get you." One of the men steps close to Murphy and grabs his chin, turning his head this way and that to observe his blue skin. He jerks away and makes eye contact with me.

They all force us to our knees as they talk about taking Murphy away to a vehicle parked down the road. I squirm and wrestle the man that tries to rope my hands behind my back, growling as I thrash around. My instincts scream at me to go to Murphy, to protect him.

"Shut up," one of the women clocks me in the mouth with the butt of her rifle. 

I feel the inside of my cheek bust open over my teeth and warm, metallic blood fills my mouth. I ignore the pain and work up a nice mouthful of bloody saliva and spit it at her. She steps toward me again and an inhuman snarl rips it's way up my throat at her. She stops dead in her tracks and looks to her group, eyes wide.  

"Feisty," one of them purrs, undeterred. He steps forward and grabs my face, pressing the busted part of my cheek into my teeth as he leans in. "I like it."

I wimper quietly at the pain in my mouth. My nose wrinkles as his awful breath washes over my face and I spit at him too. "Fuck you." I try to bite his retreating hand.

"Well," he chuckles "don't mind if I do, sweetheart." He reaches for his belt buckle and another one of the men chuckles nastily. 10k tenses besides me and squirms, trying to free himself to protect me.

"Leave her alone!", Addy calls out.

"Well, you're a pretty one too. Looks like we got lucky." Another man stoops in front of Addy and twirls a lock of her red hair in his dirty fingers.  She jerks her head away.

I look around our group and lock eyes with Warren. I can see the wheels turning in her head, trying to get us out. Her shoulders start to move only slightly, and I realize she is trying to work out the knots in her ropes.  I begin to fumble with my own restraints.

"Hey man, why don't you just let us go since you got Murphy?", Doc reasons. Someone plants their shoe into his chest and kicks him over. 

"Don't touch him", another growl rips from my chest and I stop messing with the rope. A hand from someone I don't see slaps the uninjured side of my face with a loud crack, and my head snaps to the side painfully.

As my face throbs and I swallow down the tears that threaten to fill my eyes, panting heavily. 10k's face contorts with rage and he barely stands up before someone hits him in the eye, and he lands on his back. His breath leaves him, whooshing out audibly.  If looks could kill, they'd all be dead.

I look to Murphy again. My chest aches with the need to protect him, almost overriding my need to protect 10k.  Everyone in the group seems defeated, eyes either downcast or taking in the faces of the others.

Kill them, I recognize Murphy's voice in my head. Kill them all. NOW.

A sudden need for blood rushes through my body and I welcome it. A need to feel the throats of these men in my teeth, to rip out their organs with my bare hands, to pull the very skins from their bodies. A sweat breaks out across the back of my neck and I feel my pupils dilate. My very body quivers with anticipation and the carnal need to murder them all.  My chest nearly explodes with rage.  A red haze makes it's way over my eyes, tinging everyone in a deep scarlet.

I snap my binds with a grunt. "With pleasure", I snarl as I turn my face up to our captors, grinning evilly.


	8. Monster

I give in to the rabid beast taking over my body, allowing it to fill all my limbs and take complete control.  

Using the last bit of myself I could at the moment, I turn to the group and choke out a "Run."  I watch as Warren ushers them away quickly, and they leave my line of sight.

Losing the last bit of my control, I shoot up and grip the neck of the woman that busted my face open and take her down to the ground, burying my teeth into her throat.  My teeth enclose around the front of her neck and I tear her trachea and esophagus out as her thick, hot blood fills my mouth.  I allow it to drip down my chin and I spit the crushes cartilage out to the side.

I leave her body to turn so Murphy can control her as a Z.  Panting, I whirl and launch myself at two more men.  We all land, sprawled, on the dirt road and tumble briefly.  I regain my footing and stomp again and again on the head of one man until it is nothing but a frothy, slimy mess.  

My hand collides with the stomach of the other man and I use my teeth to tear into his skin, ripping back layers of skin and fat and connective tissue and spitting them out.  I push my hand into his abdomen and grip a large handful of slippery intestines and pull them through the opening I made.  Every one of my breaths is a snarl now and bloody saliva drips down my chin and stains the front of my shirt.  Blood spatters dot my face.

Protect Murphy.  Kill them all.

The other woman of the group wraps her arms around my waist and throws me from the man, screaming in terror and rage.  She points her pistol at me and fires. A bullet grazed my left thigh.  I let out a roar of my own, ignoring the searing pain that tears through me, and sprint at her, digging my slippery, blood-coated nails and fingers all the way into the front of her neck when I reach her, piercing skin and wrapping around cartilage.  

I yank out her throat and toss it to the side, then burrow my thumbs into her eyes, busting through her sockets with inhuman strength and impaling her brain.  I drop her and watch the dead weight hit the ground.  A Z that used to be the first woman gurgles as she runs for the last man, being taken down easily by his shotgun at point-blank range.  The man points the gun at me next and I hear 10k's voice, too close to the fight.

"No! Tally!" He runs for us.  

The man shifts his gun to the new threat 20 feet away.  My heart stops beating and my body turns to ice as 10k takes in the gun pointed at him and his eyes widen.  Before his eyes even finish taking in his impending death, my feet are pounding toward him.  

I reach him as the shot rings out and I throw my bloody form in front of him, facing the man and his gun.  Buckshot rips through my chest, abdomen, and even grazes just above my left eyebrow.  The blast makes me stumble back into 10k, knocking him down behind me.  I plant my feet, wiping the blood that streams down into my eye, and ignore the blinding agony that pulses through my body.  

Kill them all.  Save 10k.

I reach the man and rip the gun from his hands, then smash the barrel into his face and pull the trigger.  His head explodes into chunks of red and pink tissue and white bone, and a fine mist of blood hits my face.  As soon as the rest of his body hits the ground, I drop the weapon and my knees give out.  I fall onto my knees, then my back, legs curled up in agony.

My hands reach for where I felt the buckshot hit me.  A small amount of holes of various sizes for my abdomen, I notice, as my fingers run over the bloody wounds.

Damn.

My body forces a cough out and with it comes a stream of blood.  It foams out of my mouth and mixes with everyone else's blood on my face.  I turn my head to the side and cough again, ejecting more blood from my throat.  Vibrations pound through the dirt and I hear muffled shouts as my group reaches me.  I watch as the blood coats the small rocks and light dusting of dirt, turning nearly black as it all swirls together.  My eyes find the sky somehow, through my dimming vision, and it is so blue and wide and vast, I am nearly sucked in to it.  

Not a cloud in the sky.  As good a day to die as any.

I hear 10k calling my name and my head turns automatically, searching for the beautiful face attached to the agonized voice.  My heart is slower and slower now, and I finally find his face.  His eyes are glazed over, as if he is about to cry.  My head is lifted into his lap and my eyes flutter shut.  His hand pats my cheek and I open my eyes back up to look at him.

My body is cold, almost numb.  I would be stupid to not realize I'm dying.  I think the whole group knows it too, but Warren is still barking orders at Doc and everything is chaotic and hard to follow, so I let my tired eyes shift back to 10k.

My hand drifts up to his face and my thumb smooths over his cheek.  My blood coats the spot and I grimace apologetically.  "Looks like we've come full-circle, huh?", I choke out, smiling weakly.

"You're going to be okay.  I'll carry you all the way to the next doctor there is if I have to."  He shakes his head, grasping my cold hand.

"Tommy," I whisper, and another weak cough brings up more blood.  "It's okay.  It's okay...I love you.   Just remember that, okay?"

His hand shakes as he swipes his thumb across my lips, wiping most of the blood away, then presses his lips to mine in a light kiss.  It's a good last kiss...sweet and soft.  

"I love you too...Clara," I hear as my breathing shallows.  

His callused fingers stroke my matted curls. Suddenly, I think I can feel my body being lifted from the ground and carried, but any concern I have about that floats up to the wide sky above.

I watch 10k's face until everything fades into darkness.


	9. Remembering

I crack open my eyes and see the dark plastic of the truck bed. The world is dark and quiet except for a quiet conversation taking place to the left of the truck. The bed is lightly illuminated by the flickering glow of the campfire.

The group must be stopped for the night.

I start to shift my weight slightly so that I am on my back. My fingers tingle from where I slept on my arm for so long. As soon as I begin to move, pain erupts in my abdomen and leg. I suck in some air through my gritted teeth and let my fingers wander to the pain. My fingers hesitantly dive under my shirt and probe against several spots that seem to be raised and have prickly stitches dotting them.

What happened to me?

My eyes squint shut as a rush of pictures and small clips come to me. Slippery blood and snarling and clawing, the feeling of cartilage between my teeth, a hot, metallic sensation in my mouth. An explosion of searing pain in my body.

Oh my God.

Tears collect in my eyes and I can't breathe. Small sobs bounce around my chest as I try not to move, not wanting to feel the pain again. My trembling hand covers my mouth as I remember every detail.

I...killed...all those people. What happened to me? What did I become? I'm a monster. Not just a bump-in-the-night kind...the real kind. The kind you pass on the street without knowing. The kind that wears a pleasant face but gets pleasure from doing things that are dark and evil.

My name is spoken softly. I tune in to what the voices by the fire are telling each other.

"She told us that she didn't want to lose herself." The voice is stern and hushed. It must belong to Warren.

"Yeah, but she saved us back there." Kindness seeps into this cracking voice.

"Give the kid a break. She's been through a lot since she's been with us." I almost smile. Doc.

"Can't you guys just be thankful for once and let it go? We survived, thanks to me and Tally." This must be Murphy. Nobody else is that aloof about murdering humans. Or grandiose, period.

The rustle of grass under boots hints that someone has stood up abruptly. "This is your fault. She didn't want this! You're going to make her just like Cassandra." 10k, at last. 

"Oh please. Tally is much better than Cassandra. More...human. and have you seen her resist me? Trust me, she's fine."

Murphy. I grit my teeth so hard they squeak together.

More rustling. I hear someone struggle as they are held back.

"10k, we need him for the vaccine. Not yet." I recognize Warren's voice again. 10k must have gone after Murphy.

"Look, none of that even matters if she doesn't wake up. It's been two days, and it's not looking good." I can't tell who that one is.

I can't take anymore of the conversation, so I make my way into a sitting position, gritting my teeth against the pain that sends black dots dancing along my eyes. The group looks to me as they hear me moving around, and 10k's lanky figure rushes to me. 

He jumps into the truck's bed and pulls me into a firm hug. I yell out in pain from being jostled, and he pulls back to look at my face, eyes wide and apologetic. His warm, wide palm moves to rest against my sticky cheek.

\---------------

The rest of the group greets me warmly. Warren puts Addy and Doc on first watch. Apparently 10k has been a mess, not sleeping the whole time I was out and taking over most of the watches. Doc whispers to me about this as we all prepare to settle in for the night. He mentions that 10k has hardly spoken to anyone. Guilt weighs like a full safe on my chest.  Doc also fills me in on what happened while I was out, including the gruesome story of my impromptu surgery.  He spared no detail about digging around for buckshot, trying to staunch the flow of blood,  and even stitching me up.  When I asked how he even knew how to do all of this, he mentioned that he used to watch a lot of E.R.

10k slumps over to us from where he put out the the fire, and I study the dark circles that mark his eyes.

This is my fault too. I should have left the group when I had a chance. Better yet, they should have given me mercy when I got bitten. I'm making all this harder on everyone.

Everyone finishes getting settled in, leaving me and 10k in the bed. I squirm as carefully as I can toward 10k, trying to avoid hurting myself again. He takes the hint and helps pull my head into his lap, stroking my hair and letting his eyes close and head roll back for the first time in days.

When the sky begins to lighten again, I was myself out of 10k grasp and grab one of my knives. I pause and decide to bring my pistol too. I needed to get away for a little while. With one last glance at 10k's peaceful face, I head off into the woods.


	10. Decision

I manage to get into the wooded area without being detected by the group. My legs carry me about half a mile into the treeline before I get too winded and in pain to move, so I make myself comfortable amongst the roots of a massive oak.

For a while, I just sit and observe the life around me. Small, slimy frogs spring across the crunchy soil, the occasional bird twitters out a song...the woods are so peaceful. The rising sun warms the earth and my skin as I lean back on the scratchy bark. Smells of decaying leaves and dirt and the light summer breeze swirl around together and toss my curls lightly.

I have been in serious danger of dying too many times in the past few weeks than anyone would be comfortable with. I have burdened this poor group of truly good people with my shitty luck...and I'm a monster. I'm not normally one to wallow in my own despair, but I can't help but be engulfed in it as I reflect on recent events.

They would all be better off without me. I could hurt them too. I can't stand the idea of hurting 10k.

I play around with my hunting knife, twirling it around my fingers and lightly running my fingers along the dull blade. My eyes blur with fresh tears.

God, when did I become such a baby?

Probably when you got soft and let yourself fall in love with that boy.

Shut up. 

If you weren't so soft, Murphy wouldn't have saved you by biting you.

Did he really save me, though? He just turned me into a monster. If nobody else will give me mercy, I may as well do it myself and take all the burden off everyone. I just don't want to be a monster anymore.

My eyes trail to the pistol beside me. I grab it and check to see if it's loaded, racking the slide. My heart slams against my ribs as I press the gun to my temple. For just a moment, I close my eyes and let myself think of 10k. Kissing, smiling, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, shooting Zs, licking his lips...

I'm shaking now, and tears leak down my face. I wish that I got to see and kiss and be with 10k one more time. It's better this way. No more pain for him, and I don't have to worry about hurting anyone in the group just because Murphy wills me to.

My finger slips to the trigger.

But who will help protect the group? Murphy? He's too selfish.  He thinks the whole world owes him something.

Air rushes from my lungs and I set the gun on the ground beside me.

I'll just wait a little longer.  I can't leave them...not yet.

The one thing I thought was a certainty in all of this was my free will.  Now what do I have?


	11. Finale

I walk back to camp, my feet slowly crunching the thick layer of dead leaves that lined the forest floor.  All that runs through my mind is 10k.

10k.  I'm strong enough to be human for him.

As I break through the line of trees, 10k sees me and jogs lightly over.  His eyebrows scrunch together and concern pulls the corners of his full lips down.

I smile in reassurance.  "Hey, easy, I just went for a walk.  Thought I'd get some exercise in."  I flex my bicep at him.

The concern lightens from his features and he pulls me into his chest in a gentle hug, minding my newest wounds.

"I've been thinking a lot...i don't want to be a monster, 10k...but I'm not strong enough to leave you."

"I don't want you to leave me.  You're not a monster."

"Why do you want me, anyway? I'll probably never be able to be normal...like, I probably can't have kids anymore, and I'm pretty much Murphy's slave.  What happens if I can't stop myself from hurting you, or anyone else?"

"I trust you.  And kids are the last thing I want right now."

"I guess...but I don't trust myself..."

"Tally...you won't hurt me.  Or any of the others.  I'll stay with you.  And I'm going to KILL Murphy one day, anyway.  You'll be free."

My heart lightens, and a small grin creeps upon my face.  "Maybe they'll find a way to help me, too.  In California, I mean."

"I won't stop until someone does."

I stretch up and wind my arms around his slender neck, then press my lips against his own.

Of course we will.  I'll find a way to make all this right.  And now that I know I have 10k, I think I'm strong enough to resist Murphy's control.

Bring on the Apocalypse.


End file.
